Episode 23: From Breakdown to Breakthrough: Marty Bailey on Resilience, Meditation & Showing Up as Yourself

What happens when you stop pretending and start actually living?

In this episode of The Next Chapter, I sit down with Marty Bailey — Leadership and Resilience Coach from Liverpool — who opens up about his raw journey from anxiety and depression to building a life grounded in authenticity, discipline, and self-leadership.

Marty doesn't sugarcoat it. He talks about hitting rock bottom, using meditation as a lifeline, overcoming people-pleasing, and why most men are just existing rather than truly living.

If you've ever felt like you're playing a role in your own life — this one's for you, mate.

We cover:

• Why you have to break down before you can break through
• How meditation changed everything for Marty
• Overcoming imposter syndrome and self-doubt
• What real confidence actually looks like
• Listening to your inner voice over the noise of everyone else's expectations

CHAPTERS

- 00:00 Introduction to Marty Bailey
- 02:15 Marty's Early Life and Challenges
- 05:15 The Breakdown and Breakthrough
- 11:34 The Role of Meditation in Healing
- 14:15 Finding Direction and Purpose
- 19:19 Overcoming People-Pleasing
- 23:28 Self-Discovery and Resilience
- 25:57 Embracing Vulnerability and Authenticity
- 30:18 Journaling and Self-Reflection
- 32:42 Training for Survival: Physical and Mental Toughness
- 38:05 The Cost of Choosing Yourself
- 46:04 Living vs. Existing
- 54:03 Defining Manhood on Your Own Terms
- 58:42 Overcoming Imposter Syndrome
- 01:01:12 Visualisation and Self-Belief
- 01:06:45 Confidence and Performance
- 01:12:59 Redefining Resilience
- 01:15:39 Listening to Your Inner Voice

Connect with Marty Bailey: Instagram — https://www.instagram.com/martyhbailey/

Connect with Luke: Website — https://lukejonescoaching.com

If this episode helped you, share it with a mate who needs to hear it. And drop a comment below — what part hit hardest?

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Share this with a mate who needs the truth, leave a review, and remember: change doesn’t happen by accident. 

It happens when you get honest, do the work, and show up for yourself and your family.

Stay real, stay relentless, and keep building your legacy—one choice at a time.

For more hard-hitting stories and practical tools, follow, subscribe, and join the conversation.

Let’s be real: your next chapter starts now...

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:23

Hello everyone and welcome to today's episode. Today's guest is Marty Bailey. Marty is a leadership and resilience coach who helps people show up fully and thrive in their life and their business. Marty works with their confidence and performance, and the one thing that most people overlook when they're trying to get ahead being authentically themselves. This conversation is going to go deep. We're talking about what it really takes to lead yourself and others and what gets in the way of people showing up as who they truly are. So if you've ever felt like you're performing a version of yourself rather than living as yourself, then this one's for you. Marty, welcome to the next chapter, mate.

SPEAKER_01 1:08

Thank you very much.

SPEAKER_04 1:10

No worries, mate. Okay, so before we get into the work that you do now, take me right back. Where did you grow up and what was life like for you?

SPEAKER_01 1:20

Yeah, so people may not be able to hear it, but I was originally born in Liverpool. Okay. Yeah, people often say, Oh, you don't have the accent, or oh, I can hear it. But um, yeah, I was raised in Liverpool and it was great. I l I loved living in Aintree near the race course, and it was a great little community. Came from a really respectable family, but uh it was kind of like Romeo and Juliet. Half the family were very hush on one side, the other were the working class. It's like, oh great, who am I today? Um, but yeah, it was it was absolutely fantastic uh for me, that lifestyle, because you know, you you just had so much freedom in the city to to be who you want to be and do what you want to do. But um I ended up leaving Earth, moving to North Mid Wales when I was 14. And I've I've been here for 19 years now. Uh so yeah, I did that. I ended up finding myself going through so many challenges, as we do through our teens, um, anxiety, depression, losing myself, mixing with the wrong crowds, putting myself on death's door many of times. I was like great, um, unhealthy relationships. And then, you know, that all started to move around by the time I was 21, 22, because it got to a point where I had to break down in order to break through. And for me, that's where I made the decision where I want to create a life on my terms and refuse to settle for less than what I want. And from that, I started working for myself as a type of spiritual and mindfulness mentor, helping a lot of people who felt lost in themselves, they had to come back to home to themselves. And I I loved it, but I wanted to take it further. And I ended up actually going to study a psychology degree, which even today I'm still thinking, oh, was that the right decision? Because psychology is one of those things where you can just buy a book online and learn it. But for me, I I've reflected on my life back in the city, and now where I am, and I think, oh God, I've become country as we say. Like, I I I've always grew up in nature because I used to go away in the city um to Wales and stuff, but um I realized that I I I couldn't actually live in the city again. I I really couldn't. Like now I've I've I I go back and like, oh god, no, it's too noisy for me, it's not me. But um, yeah, I I went and did my degree and stuff, and um and yeah, I ended up going on to become a coach later on. So it's been a hell of a long journey. Hmm.

SPEAKER_04 4:00

You said you uh I had a breakdown in that story there, Marty. What sort of breakdown and how old were you at the time?

SPEAKER_01 4:11

Uh the first original breakdown, oh god, it must have been around 15, 16. Um that was around the time I started mixing with the wrong crowds. Um yeah. I I can't say wrong crowds, because there was nothing wrong with them. We we were all, you know, trying to figure ourselves out in life. You know, and you know we we were at that point where you just wanted to, you know, uh live for the good times, not just for the long times. Um for us at that point everything was nothing, and nothing was everything. And we were just dudes from the city who, you know, hung around, but then we found some of the older um people we hung hung around with were coming from more, let's say, vicious backgrounds to a point where things did get violent, and I had to be able to learn how to handle myself. Not because I wanted to, but because it was either that or I end up in hospital. And I've done things I'm not proud of, you know, but obviously self-defense is what it is, but that's what made me the way I am. But that that breakdown was I had to look over my shoulder all the time. And it wasn't even anything I did, it was more the people that was around because I didn't trust them. So every time I saw something going on, my idea at the time was I'm getting the women home safe to make sure they're not getting hurt, but also I'm walking away from this because I want no part of this. This is not me. I couldn't stand the idea of it. But my anxiety went down so bad, my mental health had just hit me like a ball of lightning, and I just thought something's gotta change because I can't keep doing this, I can't keep waking up feeling like this.

SPEAKER_04 5:50

Hmm. So you were 15, 16, and you had a mental breakdown and you were suffering really bad with anxiety, is that right?

SPEAKER_01 5:57

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, and when I when I think about it, I mean I'm what I'm 33 now. It's like when you think of it now, because I see a lot of 15, 16 year olds going to school and stuff, and I look at them and I think, you know what, I couldn't be a teenager today in today's world. So how it was for me, it's like, wow, geez, I had a lot going on at that time. And I did I you you we we tend to water down our own issues. We tend to water down, I want to see them today, and it's like I see my nephew who's 11, and he he goes through a lot of pressure, and I'm like, geez, I don't know how kids do it these days. So for me, to water that down, it's like, oh geez, what the hell? You know, it's pretty neat.

SPEAKER_04 6:43

Do you think that was to do with your move from Liverpool to to Wales? And was that part of it? Or or or were you just drawing to that uh to the wrong crowd, or was it a mixture of both?

SPEAKER_01 6:54

To be honest with you, I think I think moving was the best thing. Because I back in Liverpool, I say it was great life. Um outside of school was a great life. Inside of school was hell. Absolute hell. I never I never fit in. I was never one of these people who could fit into the crowds. I just didn't follow the stigma within society of, oh, you've gotta, you know, you've got to do this and you've got to do that, right? And it's like, no, I don't. I'll do what I want to do, right? And I wasn't following the crowds with the styles and the trends, you know, and I just I couldn't I couldn't be awesome with the fakeness. My attitude has always been from a young age, what you see is what you get. If you don't like me, go you know, and that's just it. Um but a lot of the kids back in the city that they were passive aggressive, some very aggressive. I used to get down at school a lot, and it was it was horrible, absolutely horrible. Because, you know, you don't want to feel like that every day. You want to look forward to the day. And at 15, 16, you've got your whole life ahead of you, and you know, I just think, yeah, I've had enough. So moving was wasn't the issue. Um, even the the crowds, oh, the crowds that was in wasn't the issue. It was when, you know, the older ones started coming in, because we were 15, 16, some of the others were like 18, 19. So like those those ones were who you know were involved, one or two of them um were a bit uh of a an issue, but they would influence others to do the same. And I'm just like, yeah. I don't want part of this. So every time they came, I went. Because I I I knew I could read them my mind off. I thought I I know what you're like. So I didn't want to know. So yeah, they the the people, or half of the people, were the issue.

SPEAKER_04 8:35

Okay. How did you deal with this breakdown? I mean, what what happened around that time? How did you know it was really bad?

SPEAKER_01 8:44

Oh wolf. I mean, I'm not I'm not gonna sit here and pretend to be Tony Robbins and go, oh I did this and I did that, because that's right. Um I did hurt myself at times, I'm not gonna lie. Um, because I felt very unseen, I felt very unheard. And even got to a point where I considered just stepping off this planet, as they say, you know, because you you've had enough. Um but honestly, it got to a point where I just I started meditating more. I don't even know why, it just came with me. I in fact, and yeah, I do know. I I remember sitting there because I've always been a person about watching rain. Always loved watching rain. And I kind of sat there on the edge of my bed and I just watched the rain. And I would just look outside and breathe. And I started doing that more and more. I thought great, I I actually love this and I could do this as much as I can. But with the help of my family, because my family were absolutely amazing for what I think. Um my mother more so, because she's a mental health practitioner in the community, so that really helped having that support. But honestly, the meditation helped, you know, and just sitting there and having that time to myself rather than being around so much noise. And I think that's that's the biggest thing that people overlook. Because for me, that's a godsend. Even now, I love being on my own sometimes because I just need that moment to myself to just think.

SPEAKER_04 10:12

Why did you start meditating then, Marty? You mentioned it a bit there. Was it something that you've seen online? Was it advice from someone? What made you give it a go?

SPEAKER_01 10:22

Well, I've always been spiritually inclined with you know how the universe works. But for me, I didn't even realize how or why. It just came to me. Like, again, I was sitting there watching the rain, and it just I closed my eyes for a minute and was just listening to it. And I realized, oh, this is actually good. And I just relaxed and I found myself relaxing. Now, we used to go to uh these like spiritual churches to help, you know, people and stuff. I found the meditation there really helped me, and it helped with my emotions, my thoughts. Family did it as well, and you know, they did it themselves, and even now, like I still meditate today, and it's it's a fantastic way, and for me, it was great to just escape everything that was going on. And you know, it's just amazing.

SPEAKER_04 11:10

Yeah, it is. I meditate every day, and I absolutely love it, and I find if I ever skip it, then I can really, really feel it, especially if I skip it for a few days. Over the last few years, I've tried to do it every day, I've tried to be really disciplined and try to stay in my routine and uh I really find that if I don't do it, if I don't have that time for myself, then then my mind's busier, I'm not as calm, I can't handle those stressful situations like I used to, definitely.

SPEAKER_01 11:41

Yeah, this is it. I mean, and the thing is, like, there's so many different types of meditation, and people often and it makes me laugh, like people often sit there and go, Oh, you just close your eyes, feet on the ground, and hold your hands together. It's like, no, just don't don't know, you know, like if you're a Buddhist and you do that, great, but for me, no, I'd I'll just sit there, I'll look out the window, and I'll just close my eyes. But even then, there's a thing called walking meditation, and basically you just go into a state of mindfulness and you can walk down wherever you are and just take in every sound that's going on. Luckily for me, I've got, you know, I've got I'm surrounded by nature, I've got the forests, I've got the beach, I've got everything. So I'll just walk down the street and I'll hear the birds singing, you know, the wind in the trees, you know, the ocean. It's like, this is perfect. And I everything else will get blocked out. By the end of that walk, I'm completely grounded. It's absolutely amazing.

SPEAKER_04 12:37

Yeah, yeah, it is very grounding. I do a lot of running as well. I've mentioned on this podcast before that when I'm out for a long run, especially, and I get into the zone, I s it's a sort of meditative state almost. And yeah, I absolutely love it. So you mentioned then about your breakdown, obviously when you were younger. Did you have another breakdown as well in the early is it 2019? I think you said.

SPEAKER_01 12:59

Yeah, so I I I went into the coaching in 2019. Um, but just before that, um, just before I started doing the coaching uh same year, I found myself so overwhelmed with everything. You know, struggling with work, struggling with uh some clarity on my my life, just trying to figure out where I'm going, what I'm doing. And I just I didn't know what I was doing with myself. I was trying to figure out what am I even doing. Like, I don't want to just be in this autopilot mode, right? And like, yeah, I need to have some direction. And I actually found a video of Tony Robbins. Now, this is gonna sound crazy, but I never knew who he was before this at all. Oh, I uh he came on, he came on a YouTube video, and I just thought, who's that guy with the weird voice? And I was really like, wow, okay. So um I heard him uh on this old video, and it must have been the 90s or something or early thousands because the footage was shocking. And he said uh something like uh some along the lines of people often overestimate what they can do in a year and underestimate what they can do in two or three decades, so you've got time. And that hit me because I've I felt like I'm rushing my life to get myself into a position where it's like just focus on what you can do right now rather than what you can't do. So I sat there and thinking about my own life and how much I love the mind and how I love helping people like myself who want to be able to build a life that feels like theirs, you know, and do it on their terms. And I thought, you know what, that's exactly what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna find a way out to do this. So just through that on its own, I got help with my emotions, my mental health, with the support of family, of course. Um, you know, I did all that. Uh I cut off every person I knew who wasn't supporting me, inspiring me, motivating me. Um, everything that was toxic, I got rid of completely. I started reading several self-help books and you know, even books that was around meditation, um, mindfulness. I actually picked up a book called Mindfulness for the Mindless, and I thought, oh, that's charming. That was a like a slap for me. I was like, okay. Uh, which is a great book, by the way. Um, so I I did that. I was training six days a week for three hours a day. So I got in the best shape of my life. I gained about 20 pounds of muscle so fast, it was unbelievable. Um, I I was in just I was at my peak so fast within six months, and it was ridiculous. And it got to a point where even people said to me in the gym, Are you on steroids? I went, No, they went, Why is someone so lean, so muscular? I said, Because I did what I had to do in order to get myself in good shape, which was cut out all the crap. And I don't just mean junk food, I mean like, you know, all that the crap within the food, you know, like um, you know, we often think like takeaways and stuff, but for me, it wasn't that. It was like the the overstimulation from coffee, it was soda drinks or something like that. It was everything was just completely natural. And I just thought, yeah, great. So I started doing that, and um that breakdown led to that breakthrough because I realized for me to get to that breakthrough, I had to break down. I had to literally rip up myself and say, you know what, you need to change. You've got to stop treating yourself like you are your worst enemy. And that for me was that line of the sound where I thought, yeah, okay, something's gotta change. You know, because it's not just a mindset thing, it's an identity thing. You know, we often say, Oh, you've got a negative mindset, but for me it wasn't. I was telling myself a story, I'm the victim of this, and I'm struggling with this, and I can't do that. It's just like I've got no evidence to suggest that I can't do this. And then I ended up spending, I only had £20 in my pocket at the time. I ended up spending the £20 on a course online um to do because it was on sale by chance, and um, I bought this course in like a coaching diploma, and I loved it. And from that, I just thought, great. So I then I eventually um got over work and I bought another one and another one. And I worked my way through for what three, four years, and then I went to TCM, did my uh accreditation with them, and and along the way I went and got my degree in psychology and counseling because I was so passionate and determined to help people with their own mindset, their own well-being, their own resilience. And just it's deeper than the resilience and mindset. It's more so saying that no matter what you go through, you will get up every time. And not only will you get up, but you will get up true to yourself. Because that's what I I stopped doing. I stopped being true to myself at one point, and I refuse to do that again.

SPEAKER_04 17:57

So, were you people pleasing back then? Do you think? Was that one of your I should have got that tattooed on me?

SPEAKER_01 18:04

I should have got that tattooed on me. I was terrible for it because I like again, as much as a gritty person I am, I always wanted to make sure everyone was okay. I always wanted to make sure everyone felt good about themselves. And uh there was a point where I couldn't say no because I I didn't want to feel like I'm disappointed in them. And even when I would help someone, I still felt like I was doing wrong. I was like, oh, I'm gonna I'm gonna pull more into the into them than what I've got. And it's like, yeah, this is not happening. And there's been so many times where I've helped people because they needed it, not because they wanted it. And I felt if I didn't, they would they'd be disappointed in me. But they they couldn't they couldn't care less because they were self-destructing anyway. And it got to a point I was more focused on what they would think about me rather than what I thought about me. And I thought, nah, this this isn't happening anymore. I I'm coming back on to myself.

SPEAKER_04 19:01

It's so hard though, isn't it? We're trying to give back, but then we're trying, you know, we don't want a people please too much because then we're not being authentic, we're not being aligned with with who we truly are. So how how do people balance that, Marty? Because that is so difficult.

SPEAKER_01 19:22

It is. And this is the thing that and it's it's funny because people have asked me this so many times. How do we stop people pleasing? Honestly, what I would say, like I've said to clients before, time and time again, if you want to stop people pleasing, ask yourself how we how can you please you to the best that you can, to the best of your capability. Because when you people please, you are naturally fading away, you are disconnecting from yourself and you're plugging yourself into someone else. Which when we look at it like that, it's like, oh, that sounds cruel, that sounds horrible, but it's true. You you're disconnecting from yourself and you're connected with someone else. And the moment you stop doing that and you come back home to yourself and you start putting yourself first and you start filling up on your physical, your spiritual, your emotional, and your financial cups every day, you will find people will say to you, Oh, you've changed. I don't like the person you've become. And it's like, no, you only like the person that was giving you what you wanted to meet your needs.

SPEAKER_03 20:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:19

But you don't like that I'm finally putting myself first. They don't like you. They like what they can make use of you, right? So you just have to fill those cups every day. So look at the kind of life you want to live. Whatever it may be, it doesn't matter how successful you are, it's about how happy you are, how fulfilled you are. And then say to yourself, what would that person do to fill up that physical cup, that emotional cup, that financial cup, that spiritual cup, whatever it may be. So for example, because for me, they are all non-negotiable. And if I'm not in the mood, I will wake up and go, Well, I'm gonna do 100, 200 push-ups anyway. Why? Because for me, working out is like having to wash every day. You know, it's not negotiable. Same with meditation every day. Same with investing in yourself in some way, shape, or form every day. You do that no matter how you feel, because you know you have to do it. Not because you want to at that moment, but you know that your future self will be thankful for it. When you start doing that, you realize that you're actually pleasing you and you're giving yourself permission to please you and you're not pleasing other people. And it's amazing when you do that consistently because you feel it emotionally, not just physically. And when someone comes to you and says, Can you just do this, this, and this, it's like, I can't, I'm busy, I'm doing this, this, and this. Yeah, but I need your help. No, you don't, you want my help. You don't need my help. If you need my help, then pay me. If you really want me to do it, pay me. Otherwise, fuck it. And that that's my attitude, seriously. Like if you really need it, if it's that much, pay me. Because at the end of the day, if it's not an emergency.

SPEAKER_04 22:01

I think so many people are are resentful, aren't they? Because they have this realization that they've been led down a g garden path. They've been trying to appease so many different people, whether it's their parents, whether it's different family and friends, and they get down the road so far, so many years, so many decades, and then they wake up and like, oh my god. I even want this life. And then, yeah, it's like that's a midlife crisis, panic button, isn't it? I think for so many people.

SPEAKER_01 22:30

Yeah, and this is it, you know, people react, they don't respond. And it's kind of like you just have to stop and ask yourself, am I happy on the path than I'm on? And if not, what can I do to change it? That's it. Yeah, and when we often think, oh, you know, I want to do this, I want to do that, they don't have a plan to get there. But most times people will say, I want to escape from this, I want to get away from that, I don't want this anymore, I don't want that anymore. It's like, okay, so let's say, for example, you leave that, where are you going to? And they go, well, and they start because they're focusing on what they're getting away from, but they're not looking at where they're going towards. And it's kind of like driving. If you're driving and you're looking behind you every time and you're not looking at any of you, you're going to crash somewhere. So it's kind of like enjoy where you're going rather than focusing on where you're coming from. Look at going towards a destination and be excited about it. Because if it doesn't excite you, then think bigger. Think bigger. It doesn't matter how crazy it is, just think bigger. You know, it's got to be more exciting than where you've come from. And if it doesn't make you feel good, go somewhere else. It doesn't have to be, you know, Hollywood, it doesn't have to be Vegas. It just has to be somewhere that you know makes you feel good about yourself. Makes you feel like you are at home every day.

SPEAKER_04 23:46

Resilience is central to your work. Obviously, it's in your in your title as well. Yeah. But I imagine there's been moments when you've had absolutely nothing left. What did that feel like at the time?

SPEAKER_01 23:58

Honestly, it's when you've it's funny, isn't it? Because like when we work on certain areas, we're expected to master it, but I don't think we can have a funny master something. Especially something like resilience. You know, I I can get up after life hits me down a thousand times, a million times. You know, I've got that physical resilience for no matter what life hits me with, literally. Um, but they get to a point where you can be only be so strong for so long until you do snap. And say, ooh. When it for me, when it gets to that point, I do feel depleted. But I kind of spend that moment not feeling sorry for myself. I don't believe in sitting there feeling sorry for myself. I will say, okay, I'm grieving for that feeling I want. I'm grieving for this idea of what home looks like for me. And I will sit there and I'll think about that and go, okay, I feel like crap right now, but I need to still believe that what I'm doing is for the reason. No, okay, I'll sit here for half an hour and I'll give myself permission to do that. It's not lazy, it's not weak. It's saying I'm giving myself permission to recharge because I am human, I'm not a machine. And I'll openly sit down and I'll I'll even a lot of the time I'll do a live stream on like TikTok or Instagram and say, hey guys, I'm not feeling good today. I'm feeling off. Because if I can't be honest with my with myself and others and say, I'm not having a good day, and I'm always okay, every day. People are gonna go, well, how can we ever relate to you? Because you're expecting us to come to you and open up, but you're not opening up. So I've got to be honest with myself and say, Yeah, you know what, I'm not 100% today, I'm maybe 50, 60, that's fine. But it's okay to not be okay. And you get to a point where you realize it was never about being strong all the time. It was about knowing how to deal with your emotions and your thoughts when you're not strong at that time. And you if you are only feeling 50% today, show up fully yourself for 50%. I don't care whether you're the biggest asshole in the world or you're the kindest person in the world, show up 50%. Because I will respect you so much more rather than you saying I feel great when I'm not. Because I I I've had it happen where I've said to people, hey, are you alright? And they go, Yeah, I'm great. And I'll just look at them and go, Are you alright? And they go, Well. And they just open up and it's like, yeah, there we go, there we go. And they go, How do you do that? I went, because I can read people like a book. I can tell you're not okay. It's in your eyes, your whole body's screaming to be heard. And this is the thing, people can hide it away. They can say they're fine, but as you know, the body will show otherwise. Energy says otherwise. And for me, if I'm not okay, people won't be able to notice unless they are very, very well trained in that area. But I'll I'll just sit there and I'll go quiet. And that's the thing with me. When I'm quiet, that's when you've got to think, oh, why is he quiet? What's going on? Why's mighty quiet? Because he's a he's he's he's one hard, gritty son of a he's he's always got an opinion, yeah. Honestly, I've got a tough exterior, and people often think, oh yeah, don't cross him and all this. But it's just like I'm if I'm sitting there quiet, I'm like, mm, what's he what he's either planning something or something's going on. And I'll sit there and scope, yeah. I'm just I'm not having it today, not feeling it. Not at all. And for me, when it when I'm feeling like that, it's like, oh yeah. I need to just sit there with my thoughts. I need to journal. And that for me, the journaling has been a godsend along the way when I feel depleted. Because I can't even write with journaling. And that's the thing, like I've tried writing down my j in a journal. I find it hard to do. Um, I feel like sometimes you're forcing it out. But for me, a lot of the time, I've got an app on my phone called Untold. It's fantastic for people who want to journal. And you basically record on the and it saves all your stuff. And I'll just talk on that every other day. I'm like, this is what's happened this week, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it's amazing. But also through AI, and I can't stand AI, but it on the there's an AI system where it gives you like a psychological report of what you have basically said and it reframes everything. That's like, oh geez, I didn't think of it like that. And for me, that journaling has been amazing. So that's how I deal with my own resilience.

SPEAKER_04 28:41

Yeah, journaling is definitely a big one. It's something, to be honest, that I uh I haven't done loads of, but I always find it. I've I've really gone into my meditation in such a good routine, but I need to build build that journaling into my routine. Uh I do it every so often, I always do it at least once a week, but I need to start making it a daily habit, whether that's in the morning with my meditations or whether that's on the evening. But uh yeah, it's it's absolutely brilliant. My my wife always says the same. I can relate a lot to what you were just saying. Whenever I'm quiet, she knows there's something up because I'm quite um quite a positive, bubbly, happy person, and when I'm quiet straight away, she'll sense it and just say, right, something's up. You're quiet wrong. But yeah, you you get a feel of people's energy, don't you? You know sometimes when people walk in the room, just their body language, you know that that they're off, obviously.

SPEAKER_01 29:37

Yeah, and this is it, like my my ex, um, she was a counsellor at the time, now psychologist, and that was thickin difficult because she could read me like and it's very hard for people to read me, but because of her the way she works, the way she works, she caught down like fuck oh no way. And then when I say something, she goes, Well, do you know? And I go, here we go. So it got to a point with her, it was like, Yeah, are you okay? Well, yeah, yeah, I'm great, yeah. No, you're not. I said, Okay, come on, tell me why I've done that. So yeah, so yeah, it is good. I mean, to be fair though, working out has been my my religion, to be honest with you. Like, I'm obsessed with working out, but not for the same reason that like I don't want to say same reason because that's very very superficial, but like a lot of people work out because they want to look good on social media and stuff like that. For me, it was never the case, it didn't even occur to me. That that's a bonus. For me, I was training for survival, and I've always told myself that. And I started training when I was what 14, 15. Again, because uh how you know how things were, and for me, training for survival was just it was non-negotiable. Now, what I mean by all that is I've always told myself that because I could again, I because I can be people like a book, I could see how the world was starting to go mad with issues that it's got going on. And I and I said one day we're gonna have issues where you know you're gonna have to just get up and take a stand in life. Not not for major, but even the little thing, but you've got to take up and take a stand because life is gonna hit you in ways that you never fall. And we've gone through that as men as well. We go through that. Life hits us in ways we never fall. And my goal was that I'm training, so if something ever happened, I can get up and I can climb, I can jump, I can run, I can walk, I'll do whatever it takes to get to the top of that mountain, and I've got the energy to get back down. Because getting there is not for me is not enough. It's getting there and saying, I've got the energy to come home. And for me, honestly, that's more important that I know how to survive. Because people will work hard in life and burn themselves out along the way, and they finally get to this job, this idea, this success, let's say, whatever that looks like to them. But if they lose it, they go, Oh, it took me years to do that. Now I've got to start from scratch. Whereas me, physically and mentally, take it all away. I know how to build it from scratch. Because I've I've I've trained myself mentally and physically how to do that.

SPEAKER_04 32:12

I think physical exercise does so much for your mental strength as well, doesn't it? It's I've I've done a lot of marathons, I've done a lot of long distance runs and different events like that, and it's been so good for my mental strength as well. Obviously, it builds discipline in the training as well. So when people speak, when people try and divide physical and mental exercise or whatever, I I always say it it's always come it's always a combination of the two. So important.

SPEAKER_01 32:43

Yeah, and it's funny you mentioned about the uh marathon because I was actually thinking about that about a month or two ago. I was thinking I want to do a marathon. I'm thinking of doing a marathon. So I'm I'm actually gonna look at that. But a friend of mine, um, he's a big son of a bee, honestly. He was like, oh, you know what, you should do the tough mother. I went, listen, forget it. I forget it. That's one thing I'm not gonna do. But yeah, yeah, I agree. Like the amount of men and women I've spoken to in the gym, when I've been there, like, I find then, and I don't mean it's to come across the wrong way, but I find that a lot of the smaller men and young boys are like, they're they're very aggressive. Whereas the bigger men who are huge and very well disciplined, they're the most grounded and humble people you'll meet. And when you actually speak to them, you realize they were never there because they want to get big or they want to look after themselves and fight and all they're not trying to be intimidating. You you speak to them, go, I lost my job, I went through a divorce, I lost my kids, I did this. They went through adversity. And it's like, yes, I love that. And I remember one day in particular, I was in the gym and this uh this guy came in and he had those um those specialized uh you know you know when you lose your leg, it's like a bow. And he ran on the treadmill. And I've never seen this guy before. He ran so fast. I was I was like, geez, what the freaking hell? And I said to him, excuse me, can I just speak to you? You know, said what you've just done is amazing. And he told me he lost his legs in Afghanistan. The uh grenade went off. I said, How'd you do this? I said, how do you get through this? And he just said, because life is a gift. He said, I'm not gonna stop just because I lost my legs. And I thought, that is amazing. You know, if this man can lose his legs in war and he's running on a treadmill at what, seven o'clock in the morning, what excuse do we have to not get up and work out? Like, what I I'm I looked at the the weights and thought, right, you know what, I need to step up because this is just like wow. But that was a reminder for me because it's not your body that gets you to the gym, it's your mind that gets you to the gym. And it's not the thoughts, it's the emotions, it's the discipline saying, Well, I'm not in the mood, or it's raining, or whatever, maybe I'm going because I need to go for me. Just for that. It's like, as you know, like a marathon, you need a lot of mental discipline for that. Oh god, that'll be if I ever do it. For me, like it takes everything just to get up and go. But again, it because it's survival, it's like, yeah, it's non-negotiable.

SPEAKER_04 35:22

Yeah, it's such a good point, and the the mental strength you will need to finish a marathon as well, especially running all the way. They say, don't they, that you know, you get to um you get to 20 miles and you hit the wall, and oh god, you're so depleted, and yeah, and and and you just want to sort of crawl into a into a little hole, you really do. It is so so tough. And I don't I think I had to do about four or five marathons um before I could run the complete distance. I always used to hit the w hit the wall like halfway through or a mile twenty. But yeah, it's an amazing test of your mental and your physical ability. You've mentioned a few times, uh Marty, about choosing yourself and what it actually cost you. So, what did it cost you in terms of relationship, identity, uh, security?

SPEAKER_01 36:15

Honestly, it cost me everything. I was living or performing as a version of me that I felt I have to be in order to sustain a life that I didn't even want. And I was surrounded by six, seven, eight, and some were nine-figure earners. Coaches, entrepreneurs, speakers, CEOs, you name it, and people who were starting off. And I I looked at them and I just thought, this is not me. This is I couldn't stand it. Like, normally, from an absolute perspective, that sounds like everyone's dream. Oh wow, great. It was never for me. For me, it felt very alien, if you will. I was never about money, I was never about big success like that. Like, don't get me wrong, that sounds great, but it never appealed to me. I was more for the capable. Now, what I mean by that is you see mechanics, you see nurses, you see plumbers, electricians, the people who in an emergency, they are there to help you when you need them most. And I see them and I think you don't get enough credit for what you do every day. The people who work so hard and don't get credit, I see them every day and I just think, for me, that's everything. You know, so honestly, it's a it's a difficult one, to be honest with you. It really is. Because what when I came back home to myself, I stopped being like the people I had to be around in order for me to accept me. So, for example, um, there was a big event, and I'm surrounded by a lot of these people. And I stood there, and then everyone's having a time of their life, and I stood there with a glass of whiskey thinking, I'd rather be at home with a freaking cup of tea by a fire. Like this is not me at all. Um, but yeah, I mean, I'd rather be walking through the woods with a dog with my dog. And yeah, why not? Um this like I'm obvious I was in I was in the city as well, which made it worse. I thought, like, this is me. Yeah, put put me on a motorcycle somewhere in the middle of nowhere, and I'll just go for the cruise. Oh, and that's fine by me. Because that's all I've always wanted to do. Um, and honestly, I just I I couldn't do it. So when I came back from that, I sat myself down and I had a very stern conversation with myself and said, okay, who am I at the core? Not status, not job, not anything, not relationship. Who am I? Who and what do I want to be? I really got back down to I love helping people come back home to themselves in the sense that they are building a life that they can wake up feeling excited for. You know, they wake up and go, yes, I'm doing this thing, yes, I'm doing that. And I'm doing this because I want to do it, not because I fell into it.

SPEAKER_02 39:14

I couldn't be me.

SPEAKER_01 39:15

Does that make sense? Like what you know when you say you you're you're the reflection of the people you sit with at the table. So if you're around multi-millionaires, you are gonna learn from them. And I thought, okay, I'm gonna learn how to make money, great, but what if that's not important to me? What if just being happy is important? What if just being there is important, right? And I find that a lot of these people lack presence. That's the difference. They have money, but they lack presence. And one thing I lacked was presence because I was focused on going, I want to do this and I want to do that, but not what am I doing now? Who do I want to be now? And as you said, with meditation every day, you come back to yourself and that because you you don't have the influence of anything going on, it's just you we got in force, you of your own identity. And I've sat there, I sat there and thought, wow, I'm an arsehole sometimes. I'm like, wow, I am a tough son of a bitch.

unknown 40:16

Fuck.

SPEAKER_01 40:17

And honestly, when I've when I took myself away from all of that and I put myself because I remember going for a walk and it was pouring now, and I was surrounded by forests and fields, and I thought, yep, this is me, great. I can this is where I'm gonna test my own mentality here because I'm not influenced by, you know, filters or social media or this and that, you know, or you know, how to scale to 20, 30k and more. I was just me and the sound of the rain and everything else around me, and thought, great. And the one thing that kept coming back was just show up as yourself. Just show up as you. Because if you do succeed by chance, but you are a version of someone else, then you haven't succeeded at all. You've you've just literally become a reflection of someone else. And one day you're gonna wake up and look in the mirror and you're not gonna you're not gonna reflect. You're gonna look at the reflection, you're not gonna reflect and think, oh great, that's me. You're gonna think, who the f is that? And I actually got to a day where I looked in the mirror and I I punched the mirror so hard and it just smashed and thought, no, not anymore. Not doing it. So I I came back home to myself. I rebuilt myself from the ground up. I I didn't start from scratch in the sense that I built a new me. It was I went back to the me that needed to be seen and heard from the beginning, and it gave him that confidence and reassurance that he was always enough. He was always enough to show up. And the people who had said to me, especially in the industry that I was in, because a lot of them had said, you who you are is not enough for who you want to be, and you need to you need to improve you yourself as a person and not less. And these didn't even know me. They were judging me based on their own ego and their own perception. So I went back to myself. I'm like, you are enough. You always were. Okay, you know, you haven't got that, you know, overly hyper happy, ambitious vibe that you see on social media for coaches, but that's not me. I'd rather be that person who is gonna sit there and tell you straight, but with compassion. Like if I don't like you, I'll say, listen, I don't like the vibe you give. Let's just cut the BS, right? And it is gritty, it is straight to the point, but it's the truth that gets us forward, not false hope. And I'm not gonna tell someone and go, oh yeah, you know what? If you just do this and you do that, things will get better. I'll go, listen, you fucking go. You fucking go up and you're acting like a real arsehole in your life because you're not being true to yourself. And everyone's an asshole in life. I'm gonna be honest, we are. But if you are your own kind of asshole, it doesn't really matter. If you're gonna be one, right, be one that you like. Right? And this is the thing. Like, how many times have we worked for someone who goes, I can't believe I'm working for you? Because if we weren't at work, I wouldn't be at work on the same side of the road as you, you know, and this is the thing. For me, I had to be able to like myself first. Because if it didn't, what's the point? Because at the end of the day, you come home and you sit on the couch and you you you you know you sat with your own force and your own emotions, even your partner, your wife, your husband, whatever, right? They are not gonna be able to read your mind. So it you are literally stuck in your own head, so you might as well get comfortable there. You might as well like what's in there, because if you don't, it's for nothing.

SPEAKER_04 43:44

It's so true. We spend the most time of ourselves, don't we? So yeah, we better like ourselves, right?

SPEAKER_01 43:52

Exactly. And and this is why I now say in my work, surviving is not enough. You've got to thrive. Because if you are not living, then you're just existing. You're just existing, and that that that's hell right there.

SPEAKER_04 44:09

Yeah. Yeah, I I say it a lot in my content. I I say that every day we're getting closer to death. Now that sounds really morbid and really depressing, but it's true, and people are sick. in there and they're just letting their lives literally go pat go by go past and they think they've got all this time and I've always said a lot a lot of people they they they they know they're gonna die but they don't believe it if that makes sense because because we all know that you know that it that it is gonna end but we don't want to face it do we we fear it so much so yeah and we get stuck in these these cycles and life just goes by and then we wake up and we're one day and then that's the midlife crisis.

SPEAKER_01 44:58

Yeah I I mean this is a thing. I went to see my grandfather's grave early this year and one thing that really hit me was because it's a very very old cemetery and this breaks there from like early 1800s and it's like whoa and one thing that came to mind well like I've got I don't know if if you do this but like I've got a habit of walking around graveyards and looking at the ages of people and then how they died and stuff. Because it's amazing for me because a lot of them will say like gone too soon or loved by or husband wife whatever right and I love that but one thing that really occurred to me as I stopped I never get this and I looked around and I said to my nephew who was with me at the time I said hey little man tell me which one of these people were rich and he goes what I tell me which one had a big house and he goes I don't know I went well tell me which one made a lot of money out of the great job he goes I don't know I said exactly I said because at the end of the day they're all in the same place I said so just you remember that because you can't tell by looking at these who was rich who had the best outfit who was the best looking this this and this I said they're all wanting the same thing to just live the life to matter to have a legacy of some sort and people today even in 2026 with all the things that we've got going on they still lack that knowledge that awareness of we know we're gonna die one day but do they know how to live that's the difference they're alive but they're not living they're chasing the wrong things it's so true.

SPEAKER_04 46:34

Your whole message Marty is around being yourself and that's been a real game changer for you but for a lot of people especially men that feels terrifying why do you think it's so hard for men obviously I coach men myself as well so why do you think it's so hard for men is it that ego I think it it it's ego there's two types of ego there's this healthy ego which we all have and then there's this unhealthy ego where we get in our own heads and like oh yeah well I'm gonna do this and I'm gonna do that and I'm better than this and they become it becomes a level of arrogance in between with men who struggle to be true to themselves it's a stigma in society where they feel they have to be this type of masculine they they have to act a certain way and talk a certain way and so on and so on.

SPEAKER_01 47:27

And for me it was never the the never the case like I've always been that old fashioned man you know I'm I'm a leader I'm a protector I'm a provider no matter what and I never back down ever but I also know when to walk away because I built myself that way men today though and I see it all the time and I'm sure you you do as well working with men specifically is that they see all the things on on social media and the news and movies as well specifically and even music to the point where they think oh I want to act like that I want to be uh what they call a high value man and all this it's like well what does that mean to you because they built this pressure on them that never existed in the first place and my attitude is you don't have to earn a certain amount of money you don't have to do this you don't have to do that you just have to be able to be you know if you want to go and work as I don't know a security guard go and be a security guard right but do it like do it because you want to do it don't do it because they're influencing you to do it on a YouTube video saying you can do it and all that do it because you genuinely want to do it. You know and if you are feeling lost in yourself right it's okay to say you know what I'm not okay today like you're not weak. You're never gonna be weak the only time you fail is when you stop living I mean really stop living for that moment right and you give up on everything you are but even then you're not lost you've just forgot who you are. That's the difference you were never lost you never disappear you just stop believing in the person who believed in you because where you are today as a man right your childhood self is probably sitting there going wow you know what I can't wait to be that person. Look how big they are look how strong they are wow look how what they've done so honestly men we are hard on ourselves and we know that but society has made us believe that as men we have to be a certain way we have to be strong physically mentally and it's kind of like we are not back in the 1950s anymore. We know we're not walking around in these three piece suits with a slicker like Frank Sinatra right you know we're not sitting there going right I'm gonna you know do this and do that because that's what makes me a man no not at all just do what makes you happy seriously that that's just it honestly for me if you want to be you know your most authentic self eat healthy and the reason to say that is because healthier food organic food will help you have organic thoughts right healthy habits pull away from anything that is stopping you from growing and being a better person. That could be any sort of addiction it could be alcohol it could be caffeine it could be self-injury it could be pornography whatever it may be right if if it's not helping you grow mentally physically emotionally or spiritually you don't need it you don't need it right but also taking time off of yourself whatever that looks like for you as a man maybe you want to go to gym maybe you don't like going to gym maybe you want to play a guitar maybe you want to I don't know play video games whatever makes you feel happy about yourself because at the minute if you aren't happy and you're doing everything else you're gonna collapse eventually your happiness is the foundation first not the goal the foundation you should always be happy before you do anything else because if you base your success and your growth on your happiness right fine but if you base your happiness on success meaning I'm not gonna be happy until I make this amount of money you're never going to be happy because you could lose that one day and then you go oh I'm sorry again I've lost again choose to be happy every day even if you don't feel it and know that if someone says real men do this just say oh fuck you seriously seriously like honestly like I I'm not gonna mention names for legal reasons right but we see people on the television and if you if you're gonna say that's a real man it's like yeah okay great I would I wouldn't I wouldn't trust them with anything let alone what they're doing now so yeah I mean we can I can name quite a few people who are in charge of places but I wouldn't call them the type of man I want to be you know I mean you're talking to a guy who walks around in a freaking biker leather jacket big boots and freaking hair select all that seriously you know and I listen to country music every day it's like yeah that's me that one you'll call a man great you want to talk about a guy who's in a three piece suit who who wears a what looks like a wig and blames every country but his own and but himself fine you know we all know I gotta give it away though but yeah you know the fact is who you are as a man is down to who you decide to be okay it's not it's not who your father was it's not who your grandfather was it's not who your children may be it's who you decide to be you know you're not your past you're not your mistakes you're not your future right because your future self is depending on who you want to be today so just be who you want to be and ask yourself will my future self be proud of me but they sit with me and go you know what I thank you so much for what you did because we needed that fuck what everyone else thinks I can't I can feel less what anyone else thinks I spent many years caring what people think now you are just if you're not doing better than me and you're not happier than me then they don't care I think especially for men as we get older we don't tend to care as much as we used to especially our twenties I mean I'm in my 40s now and I really don't care.

SPEAKER_04 53:15

I don't know whether that's all the personal development work that I've done or whether that's my that's an age thing or whether it's because I've got kids now but yeah I think when you do let go of that wanting like caring about what people think and people pleasing that's a really really big step forward and yeah getting that really really clear vision of who you want to be and just moving slowly but surely towards it.

SPEAKER_01 53:41

Yeah. Yeah and this is it I mean but let's be honest like there's this this I guess you could say there's this code within men that we don't say and it's like that unwritten code where we we did once cur. We did once we're our hearts on our sleeves and you know there's a lot of women out there you know respectfully who will say oh men are players men are you know the cold they don't they're not connected to their emotions and all this and I've never luckily I've never had that says about me it was like great because you know I've had to build myself but like I was a point where I I did care and they'll say oh yeah men don't care anymore it's like yeah because we used to it's like you gave us a reason not to a lot of the time like there was a point because let me just state this for the ladies who are listening as well like we can't harn everyone with the same brush okay and you can't harm men with the same brush so if you've had a bad experience with a man or a woman just say that was an individual write it off look forward but what I want to say is that men don't care now when like in say in the 30s 40s and so on because there was a point in the you know in the 20s where they did care. They cared so much they put the heart on the sleeve they go out and buy flowers for for one person they they support a group of friends they give everything they they focus on everything that's going on they cared about that one person right and then they got hurt they got lied to they got cheated on they they got used those friends that we're friends with they stabbed them in the back everything that we had as men was ripped away from us because we cared. So what did we do? We stopped caring we said enough is enough I'm not gonna be hurt again I'm not gonna be that person I was when I was what 20 21 22 because I will not allow myself to go through the same pain I did when I cared so much. So you wake up one day not bitter but more disciplined emotionally and you go if people don't like me that's their problem it's not mine because as you get older you realise that the time in front of you is getting shorter and the time ahead you is getting longer and it's gonna get to a point where you're at the front of that line you can say do I have any regrets no not at all because that line you could be at the front tomorrow if you want it. So if you're gonna do anything right be true to yourself no matter what people think just do that for you what do you think the biggest lie people tell themselves about why they can't show up as who they really are then Marty the biggest lie the the biggest lie why people don't show up is because they feel that they're not ready I'm not ready to do this because I need to do this I need to get this qualification I need to earn this amount of money I I need to work on this I need to you know for example that you know someone could go to the beach or or or the gym I'm not putting that top on because it doesn't look on to me so I'm not gonna go it's like whether you're ready or not you show up anyway because today you may feel ready tomorrow you may not and for me my my mindset has always been if you're not in the mood to show up you show up anyway because I will put headphones in and I will listen to music that will get me ready you know and this is the thing people will say to you whether that be work fitness business what relationships whatever it may be they'll say I'm not good enough at this moment and that they generally believe that that's a story they've told themselves and because they are telling themselves I'm not good enough they're not going to show up now people are going to probably think oh that's not that's not a lie no that's a belief no it is a lie because if this was in court there's no proof to suggest that they're not good enough if you were to put evidence on a table to say why are you not good enough let's see why they would go I don't know I just I don't think I am yeah but an opinion is not evident so you're lying to yourself because you don't want to get uncomfortable that's the thing so yeah people lie to themselves every day but I'd rather someone show up not ready than someone showing up thinking that they are ready and then make a freaking screw up of things. Seriously because at least then the person who isn't ready is willing to learn the person who thinks they are ready well that's just complete freaking narrow minded that's just how we've got some leaders that we do today.

SPEAKER_04 58:19

It's that victim mindset isn't it that uh over the growth mindset it always comes back to that and the stories we tell ourselves really do shape our life how does somebody in your opinion then Marty how do they flip it how do they start telling themselves a different story honestly what what I started doing was I created this thing and I'm gonna throw this goal knock it out there.

SPEAKER_01 58:42

We often hear about healing the inner child right now you know you you sit there and you visualize talk to your childhood self what I did was I created this timeline exercise where you have a visualization where you sit at a table with your childhood self on one side but then you've got your future self on your other side. So there's three of you and what I get them to do is I get them to talk to their childhood self. You know you're safe you this you reassure them right but then you ask your future self about you know did I do things right? Are you happy? Look at how they act how they look and so on. Obviously we don't know it's their mind it's their subconscious beliefs based on what they think their future is going to be like if they don't like it their future self will tell them that because their mind is saying no you should have done this and you should have done that. So honestly they just have to be true to themselves. The greatest strength in the world is not giving up on yourself even if the rest of the world is does simple as that. If the world your friends your wife your husband whatever it may be gives up on you and tells you you know good you just keep telling yourself I still believe in me because at the end of the day there's no one else who can there's no one in the world that's going to save you so save yourself.

SPEAKER_04 59:57

You know and the thing is this fight that we have in life it's not about surviving it's about having something worth surviving for you know and you have to survive for you not your family or anything else you what you've got to survive for you first because if you can't look after you then you can't provide for them yeah it's such a good point what does um you talk a lot about confidence and performance Marty but what comes first does confidence create performance do you think do you need confidence first? Or does showing up create confidence or are they just intertwined and different people do them differently?

SPEAKER_01 1:00:37

I've never believed confidence comes first than anything. Confidence is so subjective it's so so situational. You know you could be confident doing a live stream on TikTok and you get like a hundred people in but then you get that person to sit on a stage right and talk in front of those same hundred people they will freeze so fast because I don't know they're right in front of me. It's like yeah but they were right in front of you at home on the phone. Yeah well I could see them that time it's like yeah but you were confident doing that you're not confident now. So the situation is so different. Like you could be confident in a nightclub I can't stand nightclubs but you could be confident in a nightclub but not be confident doing a public speech. So honestly action is what creates the confidence even if you are not ready. Like for me when I first started coaching I was terrified I was like oh yeah great I I mean I'm I'm great as a mentor because mentoring is very into me you're saying I think you need to do this and you need to do that whereas coaching is like asking the right questions to help them be discovered. I was like oh I'm not used to that like wow that's weird but for me I did it because I know I wanted to do it. And the thing is that action before the confidence that action has to be decisive action not impulsive action. So I'm doing it because I genuinely want to do it I've decided to do that and every decision is it it's confidence decision right however a decision with confidence is different to an action with confidence because you're saying I know I want to do it because it's a value of mine it's what's important to me. But actually doing it is a completely different thing. So for example with yourself you know you say about a marathon you know it's kind of like I'm gonna run a marathon because I want to do it that's my action I'm I'm deciding to do that. But then you've got the confidence to actually do it. When you do the full thing or you know 20 miles or however long a clue you know the fact is you've had to do that to build the confidence to go on and do it again and again and again and this is the thing if you can't be confident within yourself at the end, right? Then you know then you're doing the right thing because confidence doesn't come in a day. Like if you're going to the gym for the first time right you're not going to be confident after the first day. Like you're gonna feel like oh yeah that was great. But you've got to take time over and over your action will create the confidence no matter what they say what's that saying practice makes perfect bit of bullshit because there's no perfect but practice gives you that point where you can reach a level where you can be as perfect as you want to be in your own perception to the point where you say you know what I'm gonna go tomorrow. I'm gonna keep doing this because I'm confident I can do it.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:21

Yeah yeah you just gotta practice means perfect I I do always say that but that's a really good point again it's subjective isn't it perfection but you understand what they're saying you know you've got to you've got to put the reps in whether that's in the gym or whether that's in your head to build that confidence to build that mental muscle but that is a really really good point.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:43

In your experience working with people then what would you say is the real thing holding them back because it's usually not what they think is it it it can be many different things but what what are your thoughts on that Marty well funny enough people come to me again it's a confidence thing like I very rare that people come to me don't suffer with confidence. Because I I don't specialise in confidence specifically it's just part of the process and I I could never specialise in confidence. Not that I can't do it just I honestly it's not deep enough for me. But a lot of people come to me I'm not confident in this I'm not confident in that when it comes down to the call what 95% of them have is imposter syndrome. Now for those who aren't aware of that it's basically they feel like they're gonna get caught out like they feel like they haven't actually achieved what they've achieved and it's like oh no what I can't do this because I'm I'm gonna fail and all this and it's kind of like hang on a minute again you've you've got this you're just telling yourself you can't do it and it's this imposter syndrome where they've built this identity where they're living as a person who has already failed before they've even tried and it's like you need to change that if you want your life to change like resilience doesn't just come because you believe in yourself like it comes because you've you've gone out into the world you've done the hard stuff you've you've let life knock you down but you've decided to get back up and not just deciding you have actually gone up because you have something again worth surviving for so in order for that they have to really again because confidence doesn't come before the the action it it's more so like they have to acknowledge their inner truth and the inner truth is not although I want to do this because it's a want the inner truth is I don't believe in me. I don't believe in me because I've been telling myself this for however long and most people have this imposter syndrome from 10 20 30 years before and they've carried it for that long it becomes what I call a default state. And it's so default now it's like they they couldn't tell you otherwise it's like when people you know have learned a language a certain way and you go well what if I told you you could learn in another language of course they're gonna get defensive because that's their default language. And this person's default language is I'm not good enough. And it doesn't matter what you say, they're not gonna believe you. But if you give them a glimpse of what it could be like If they did believe in themselves, that's what gets them hooked.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:26

Self-doubt. So many of us are riddled with it, aren't we?

SPEAKER_01 1:06:29

They are. But even then, self-doubt is just the surface. It's why they feel they are down in themselves. Is it because someone said something to them? Is it because they had a job and it didn't go well? Is it because they had a bad experience in, you know, a relationship, whatever it may be. But that imposter syndrome comes into that, which the self-doubt then hooks onto. And then with that, they burn out on top of that. It's like, geez, all that because you stopped believing yourself because of something that happened. And I often say you've got 24 hours in your day, right? 365 days a year. And you are letting five minutes destroy the other 23 hours and 55 minutes. When you look at that, 23 hours and 55 minutes the first five minutes, it's like, why is the five minutes going to outweigh the 23 hours and 55 minutes? It doesn't make sense. So say, oh, you know what? Those five minutes, I'm not the hell on me, but I could do those five minutes over and over and over and over again for the other 23 hours and 55 minutes, and I can make it worth it. So if someone says, you're an idiot, you're gonna fail, I was like, hey, really? Prove it. Prove it. I want to see that I'm gonna fail. Because I know I don't know how to fail. I just know how to believe in myself. I know how to keep going, I know how to survive. I'm a master survivor, that's what I do. I will always get back up in the wild life throws at me. And that's what you tell yourself over and over. Life will always throw you know obstacles in your way. Bad relationships, friendships, you know, work, whatever it may be. But you've got to tell yourself, this is not happening to me, it's happening for me. And I know that's very cliche, right? But it literally is the case. Because if you are thinking negative, you're gonna attract that negativity. It's the law of attraction. You know, whereas if you say, you know, I actually believe that things are gonna get better, I hope for that. Not because I'm begging, but I've got something to look forward to. That's where things start to change for you.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:32

It goes back to energy, doesn't it? What we give out, what we give out. Some people will call it karma, other people won't. But again, it goes back to perspective and and what you believe karma is. But I really do truly believe in the law of attraction. I believe in karma, I believe smiling at people, you get a smile back. That's the truest truest form of karma. But people who say to me, Oh, I don't believe in karma, Luke, it's all load of crap. And I'll say, seriously, if you be nice to people, of course you're gonna get the old the old the old bam person, the old the old person that's not gonna smile back, not gonna you know g give you a hand or whatever. But 90% of of people out there, you're gonna get it back, and that is the same in so many different parts of your life.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:19

Exactly. And it annoys me when people use this idea of karma as an entity. You know, people go, Oh, karma's gonna get you. It's like since when did karma have arms and legs? Like it's not gonna hone you. It literally is like the law of attraction, it's it's a balance. So if they've brought this some sort of you know, a fragment of negativity into their life, that negativity will come back. That's not a bloody entity. This is not a Hollywood movie that is not, but yeah, you're right, you're right, you're spot on.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:47

We've spoken a lot about resilience. What does resilience actually mean to you? Because I think it gets thrown around so much, especially in the self-development space uh that we're both in. Um, and a lot of people think it means just grinding it through. But well, I mean, what do you think the truth is, Marty?

SPEAKER_01 1:10:05

Honestly, I've met so many people who use the word resilience in this work, and so of yourself, you know, and we hear it, don't we, every day. And it's like, oh, you've got to be resilient. And I was actually at this debate with a lecturer in a university, and she said to me, I don't like resilience, it's negative. It means what did she say? She said something like it means holding all your pain together and just keep going. I prefer robust. I went, no, I get where you're coming from. I said, but it's not about just grinding through. I said it's knowing that it's a mixture between being robust and you know, and being resilient in the sense that lights will will hit you with grief, with relationships, with loss, with things that go on in the world out of our control. And even internal wars that we have with ourselves, because those are the battles that we struggle with most. With that being said, you know, you are allowing yourself to get up every day, you know, despite the altercations that you may have uh you know addressed in your life, despite everything that has gone on, despite the adversities, you're deciding to wake up, you just you're deciding to go to work, you're deciding to work on your business, whatever you're doing, and you are getting up because you decide to do that. You've not given up on yourself. For me, resilience personally has been my ability to get up despite everything I've gone through. Because again, I've been on death tour more times than people have thick and have meals. And it's just like, great, okay, but I do it with joy in my heart, even though I don't think express it. I don't wear my heart on my sleep at all, guys. But I do it because my attitude is if I can't save me, who else will? You know, so I am gonna get up because, like I said before, I've got something to survive for. But in order to do that, I have to get up and be resilient. So if someone feels you know, suffering in my life, whether they be verbally, physically, whatever it may be, you know, I will get up and go, you're just what is give it your best shot. Give it your best shot because I've had worse. But for me, resilience is not something you just you become, it's not something you just find.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:24

Full experience.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:27

Yeah, it's a really, really good way of looking at it. If someone's listening right now, then Marty, and they're performing a version of themselves every single day and they're exhausted by it, like you were, like we were speaking about back at the start of the of the conversation, what is the first honest thing you think they should do?

SPEAKER_01 1:12:48

Honestly, I'd say stop listening to everyone else and start listening to yourself. Really just listen to your in the gut. If it's telling you all away from that person. If it's if it's telling you something's not right here, trust your instinct. Because that's what got me where I am today. Like most of my clients are from Canada and America because they resonate with my work more. And I think, in fact, 95%, no, 98% of my clients have come from America and Canada. I think 1% has come from Europe and 1% has come from the UK. It's like, wow. And honestly, I will always say, be true to you. And the only way to do that is listen to you first. Don't go seeking someone's opinion. Ask yourself, do I like it? Do I feel okay with this? Because if you don't, then nothing else matters. If if if if the end of the world came, right, and there's no one else around, it was just you, whose opinion would you go for? Your own. Right? So why not do that now? You know, that that's it. It's you against the world.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:52

If you could go back and speak to the younger version of yourself than Marty, what would you say?

SPEAKER_01 1:14:02

What would I say? Oh, that's a that's a good one. You know, it's funny because I asked that most of the time. Uh later.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:09

These are the last two questions that I ask every guest, so this is the first one.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:14

I think honestly, that one for me, it would be you were always good enough. You're okay, and you're gonna be fine. Just keep being you. That's it.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:28

Just keep on going and keep your head high.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:31

Exactly, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:33

And finally, what does the next chapter look like for you and where can people find you?

SPEAKER_01 1:14:39

Ah, well, I'm creating a new thing, uh a new project where people will be able to get further support through masterminds, through courses, and a new app that I'm gonna be working on next year. But I am creating a new community where people can build self-leadership as well as resilience to rebuild their life and their career on their terms, becoming mentally and physically resilient. There's gonna be offline boot camps as well coming into place, and you can find me on Instagram and just search for Marty H. Bailey, and yeah, you there's gonna be a lot on there, and there is gonna be an Instagram community support on there as well.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:18

Brilliant. Okay, and that is the next chapter for you as well, Marty. Yeah, you're just building out this coaching business now.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:25

Well, I'm telling I'm gonna be taking it to another level with the coaching because again, with coaching, for me, it's only the beginning. With the mentoring is another thing. Like, I'm wanting to take it to a stage now where I can get as many people to stand up and say, This is me, I'm going toe-to-toe with life, and nothing is gonna stop me. They become unbreakable.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:47

Wow. Okay, thank you so much for coming on today, Marty, and sharing your story, sharing your wisdom. Like this kind of conversation is why I started this podcast. Yeah, it's been real, it's been honest, it's been no BS, and I know it's gonna help a lot of people that are listening. Uh so thank you so much for sharing your story, mate. Thank you very much. No worries, Marty. Take care. Take care.